Confused

So, it has been a while.... How are you ? No, I haven't forgotten you, I've been busy. But I am here for now so lets move on, shall we ?

OK, I am in Maui currently. Imagine a good looking West Virginia with surf and perfect weather. Glad you are here. There are literally hundreds of cars that have been abandoned throughout the island. They have been somewhat scrapped for parts, rolled over, and invariably, burnt and left for dead. Well, they ARE dead at this point. Problem is, no one wants to bury them. So they sit and rust and wait for the ravages of time to do what is needed. For an island FULL of old hippies, you would think it would be a lot cleaner. Too busy making money, "dropping out" of society, and complaining about the Government to give a shit, I suppose.

Top is looking out from th Iao Valley. Valley of Kings and battles and fat tourists that can't make it up 133 steps to the viewing area without complaining. Great view, good for a quick stop before going somewhere else.

So confused about a lot of things right now. People, Art, and the Truth all vexing me. I think I might know what the problem is. I could possibly have the answer already and I am too afraid to acknowledge it. Maybe my Mother was right. Enjoy everything you can for as long as you can because when it's over, that's IT. No more.

I just can't seem to disconnect.

ever forward

The white squirrel. According to the things I know about nature (both things are wrong, btw) this creature should have been eaten or dead before it achieved such a size. There are many fearsome predators in the country and there is no sympathy for a unique representation as such. And yet it lives, defying feral cats, loose dogs, raptors, and automobiles. A survivor of the first degree, I say. I can now say that I have seen four different colors of squirrel. I am still in hope for purple. Or green. Pink would be cool. Maybe a calico configuration would take care of my squirrel coloring hopes and signal the end of my pseudo quest.

My cat sucks as a model. Just insanely curious about anyone paying attention to her. You pretty much get one chance and if that is missed, go on with your day. The end result is either she showers you with affection and/or bites the hell out of you to let you know that she loves you or has grown tired of you. But she will never be considered dull.

I have become interested in how artists react to people in regards to their art. The squirrel represents someone like Harper Lee. Bright, unique, undoubtedly gifted, but the attention given to them is not really the kind that they want. Though accepted and desired, they will run away at the slightest hint of danger, be it boredom, fear of death, fear of rejection, or somewhere in between. The cat represents the diva in all of us, craving attention until it grows tired of you. Sometimes acting out, but ALWAYS needing to be attended to. The "Worship me and all my awesomeness !" attitude that has somehow permeated all of our lives, either through our own actions or externally from others that subscribe to that feeling. Is one attitude necessarily better than the other, or should there be a happy medium somewhere ?

I have straddled the fence between these extremes for so long that I will need a cup soon.

Humility and graciousness or "Look at MEEEEEE you bastards !"

Either side is a winner. It must be in how you would like to be remembered.

Mas

The last one is ultimately the direction in which I think I will go, but it is early yet in the discovery phase, and thusly, we will ALL have to wait. Basically, a B&W with spray and textured whilst wet. Not the greatest photo but I was in a bit of a rush. I was hit with a real art school '80s vibe while painting. I can't say if that was good or bad. I'll blame listening to Depeche Mode.

Still am bewildered about what is going on with life in general. I can't tell if I am an active participant or simply sleepwalking through the chaos that swirls about my day. It has been said that all the employees at my job suffer from Stockholm Syndrome and that there has to be something better somewhere else. People have left, but most have returned for better or worse. I was told this past week that I was "old" and that things will get better when the young guys get up to speed. Newsflash....the old guy is keeping this ship upright. I don't see the young guys sticking it out to the end. I see a lot of "80%ers," people that do 80% of the job and stop, feeling that they are done. This is causing no end to my stress and chagrin. I have to be better than that. I have to complete my assignments. If I have to complete yours as well, I might as well do it all.

Was Boxer a fool ? Or simply a company horse ?

I'll find out when the knacker wagon comes for me.

Be unafraid of creation. It could possibly be the only thing keeping you sane.

somewhere new

These are 2 paintings that I finished today. The rest are on my facebook page (Roy Schneider, icon is an owl being sprayed w/a hose if you are interested). If you are wondering what in hell I am doing, I will explain. This is the second part of my journey to the end of my artistic creativity. You see, I have an endpoint in my head, but I cannot get there by conventional, stereotyped artistic expression. The current state of art in DC is simply too stifling, too confined to express what I need to. So as always, I'll do it my damn self and to hell with all of the so called experts and judges and conventional thinking. Some may find it interesting/weird/bizarre/perfectly normal for me to have the LAST work I will ever do in my head and everything else is means to that end. One medium simply cannot explain who I am. The last piece I will ever do will. It may be done this week or in 20 years, I don't know. But I WILL know when it is done.

And so will you.

Selah

R

Why, or why not ?

This is the question that I have been torturing myself with for the last several months. Why must I continue to capture images that I like when it seems that it is simply an exercise in frustration and a bit of a money pit. Is it for the artistic value ? Mostly. Sometimes it goes hand in hand with what we are doing in our artist's lives, creating and recording events and moments. Sometimes it is just the things I find odd or out of place, The above sofa, for instance. Or the gentleman reading a magazine by a busy street. Many times, I have no idea what I want to record. This is the best time as the opportunity is hiding and I hope to find it. The thrill of the hunt, if you will allow. But why do I go on when it seems that the rewards are virtually nil ?

I have to do it.

I cannot explain it but it is a necessary part of my life to express myself through a medium and I have to do it. Not for the fame (hahaha !) or monetary rewards (rotflmfao !!!) or the ego stroking from viewers (viewers, right ). Whatever is lurking in my subconscious must be expressed through an artistic release valve. I don't know why, but I DO know that I am afraid to NOT do it. Before, it was music. Now it is photography. I haven't a clue as to what is next, but it is coming. It could be graffiti, interpretive dance, music (again), painting, fiction writing, cooking.....who knows. It simply must be.

It has been said that 90% of success is simply showing up.

Here I am.

With a solid B+

Selah

R

Too Long

It has been entirely too long since I actually posted something vaguely meaningful. Had a spectacular time in Montreal. I cannot wait to return. I was awestruck by the lifestyle. The class, the dress, the politeness, the art, the food, my God the food was phenomenal. A lot closer than San Francisco and far more convenient for us. The people seemed to know something that I did not, and no it was NOT just the French language, smart guy ! People seemed to genuinely ENJOY WHAT THEY WERE DOING IN THAT SPECIFIC MOMENT. I want that now. I have had a taste of it and it is good. I've been told that we only dealt with the service sector and that I should relax a little, but I think I have had a "Eureka !" moment. I LOVED the "Bonjour" upon entering a store or museum or wherever. I loved learning that you should not eat whilst walking down the street there, that food should be enjoyed and not wolfed down between appointments. The "Bonjour" thing was reinforced the last day there. I wore a sport coat the entire time I was there (no running shoes either) with the exception of the last day. We were driving straight through to DC, so I had on shorts, t-shirt, and ball cap on when we went to get coffee before leaving. The lady behind the counter said,"Good Morning." I was crestfallen. I dressed like an "American" and was DENIED my "Bonjour." Now, I have to go back and get that happy, lilting greeting that I have come to love.

Anyway, loved the dog's expression in the top photo. He was no stranger to this scenario. The second is from the Basilica de Notre Dame. Could have spent an entire day there feeling God's presence in our lives. The third is from one of the many museums there and dates from the 1700-1800's from Old Montreal. Loved the presentation of the city's history from the very beginnings.

Take a moment and enjoy yourselves ! You ARE worth it, if you believe it or not.

R

evolve, jackass !

OK, so I've come to the conclusion that I should quit looking at photos from the '20's to the '50's. Either that or get a time machine (musheen) and carry my ass back to that time period to be a starving artist and raging alcoholic. Love that period though. Can't wait to be able to print with the tonal range of the masters of that era. Just gotta stop looking at it for right now. It is not helping anymore, just making me depressed.

Talking to a fellow photographer today didn't make things much better. I am wondering where the art aspect of photography is headed. Sales are virtually non-existent in the circles that I know of, short of cards and stock photos. Does not appear that anyone is doing anything really new as far as I can see. It struck me as weird that a "cell phone" category was available in an upcoming show. I hear that more and more traditional photogs are doing more in video than still. I am sure that better ( or better connected ) photographers that myself are getting work sold but with everyone and their mother taking photos, it makes it a little difficult to get things in the hands of paying customers.

This all begs the question: What's next in the evolution of still art photography ? I'll tell you this much, it will be a LOT different than what it is now. I know I'll be hanging somewhere.I just have to figure out what it will be.

Selah

R